Return to "Cold War".

[Scene starts with the title card music with coughing in it, then opens up viewing the sun. Rain clouds roll in and thunder flashes. Rain falls]

Chris Chuggy/Nancy/Yo/Duke [dejected] Aww. [leave]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Rain!
(Song: Rain, Rain, Come Again)
Rain, rain, come again!
Give us water on the brain!
Fanboy: Splash, splash, splash-splash-splash!
Chum Chum: Splash-splash-splash-splash-splash-splash-splash!
[Suddenly, they sniff the rain, sneeze, then fall to the ground. They sneeze once more]

[Cut to the Fanlair, rain still coming down. F&C are on the couch, sick from the rain]
Fanboy: [sneezes, wipes nose] Ugh.
Chum Chum: I'm gonna write that no-good mother nature such a letter!
Fanboy: Look at the bright side. [spits into hands] We may have colds, but at least we get to spend the day at home together, best pal o' mine!
[they hug]
Chum Chum: That's true, buddy. [gets the phone] Well, we better call in sick.

[Cut to the Frosty Mart]
[The phone rings]
Lenny: Frosty Mart, how may I make your day more "frostinicious"?
Fanboy: Hey, Lenny. Chum Chum and I have colds, so we're not gonna be able to make it in for today's usual madcap hijinks and tomfoolery. Really sorry.
Lenny: [getting excited] Ugh, no problem! Stay away as long as you like! Longer, even!
Fanboy: Thanks, Lenny. We'll try and pull a double next week. Ooh, nachos! [gets a nacho from the counter]
Lenny: Hey, those are -- [call ends]

Fanboy: [chews nacho] Now, we're no work and all play!
Chum Chum: So, what shoud we do?
Fanboy: I think today is the day we finally reach the bottom of that box.
[His perspective, we see a box with a mountain of toys]

Fanboy's alarm: Fanboy time says... [different voice] ten seconds later.

[There is a mess on the floor as the boys play]
Fanboy: Boy, that bottom really sneaks up on ya.
Chum Chum: I'll say. TV?
Fanboy: Nothing else to do.

[Cut to the boys sitting in front of the TV]
Chum Chum: [repeatedly presses remote] Ugh. Oh, man! The batteries are dead! [At Fanboy] One of us is gonna have to get up and turn on the TV. [pause, coughs weakly]
Fanboy: In my condition? Uh-uh, too risky!
Chum Chum: [slightly annoyed] I'll do it. [pause] Gahh! [falls to floor] So weak! Fanboy, turn on the TV for me! [gasping]
[Fanboy doesn't seem to care]
Fanboy: Oh, chum chum, is that you? I believe I'm suffering from fever blindness!
Chum Chum: [slightly cheery] So, you're really not gonna do this one little favor for me?
Fanboy: I believe my record's clear on the matter.
Chum Chum: [annoyed] Fine. I didn't want to watch TV anyway.
Fanboy: Me neither!
Chum Chum: Great!
Fanboy: Terrific! [sneezes, clears throat]

Chum Chum: [gets on the couch] Do you mind? I have to breathe this air too.
Fanboy: [annoyed] Oh, my apologies.
[they look away for a pause, then Chum Chum sneezes over both of them]
Fanboy: Ugh, ever hear of a tissue, friend?
Chum Chum: Pardon me, buddy. [wipes nose with tissue]
[Fanboy sneezes on Chum Chum, feeling "relieved"]
Chum Chum: You did that on purpose!
Fanboy: Nuh-uh! If I'd have done it on purpose, I would have done this! [Sneezes in slow-mo on Chum Chum really hard]
[Chum Chum wipes his face off. Both are really angry]
Chum Chum: THIS! ENDS! NOW!
Fanboy: You are!
[They growl at each other, then pose as ninjas. Battle crying, they start to attack, but are stopped by the doorbell]
Fanboy: You expecting someone?
Chum Chum: Not me.

[Cut to the door outside. Kyle is t here, waiting in the rain. F&C open the door]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: Kyle?
[Thunder strikes, hence his name being said to give emotion]
Chum Chum: What are you doing here?
Kyle: Obviously, I wouldn't be here unless this was an emergency. [closes the door] I got caught outside in the rain, which as you know is like acid to wizards. [as he says this, F&C look at each other in a "never heard that" expression] Also, this seems to be acid rain. [turns oround to show that his cape is evaporating] So...could I --
Fanboy: [jumps onto Kyle at a range where their noses appear to be touching] Stay here and play with me all day? Of course, old friend!
Chum Chum: [squeezes between them] Kyle, wouldn't you rather play with me?
Fanboy: Are you kidding? He is clearly here to play with ME!
[Both each take Kyle's arms and start to walk away, but Kyle can't follow both at once]
Kyle: No! Stop! [arms stretch, then smack against him] Urrrgh!
[F&C return Kyle's arms to their normal positions and put on cheesy smiles]
Kyle: I'm not here to play with either of you. Remember the rain? Hello! Why would I want to spend any time at all with you snot-filled troll babies?
Fanboy and Chum Chum: CAUSE YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! [both gasp, then growl at one another]

Kyle: [surprised] Really? I don't know what to say...I...I always assumed you despised me as much as I despised you.
[As he says this, F&C blow raspberries at each other. Fanboy jumps into Kyle's arms]
Fanboy: Pish to the posh, Kyle! You're like, um, the best guy to hang out wi-ith? Sooo much cooler than -- [gets kicked away] oh!
Chum Chum: Fanboy, who never pays attention to people. All Fanboy does is talk and talk and -- [gets taken] oh!
[Fanboy rolls Chum Chum into a ball and slingshots him away]

Fanboy: So, best friend Kyle, want to play a game?
[Chum Chum lands on Fanboy and they fight]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [simultaneously] Mine!/No!/No, mine!/No, for me!/You're making this more difficult than it has to be!/He's mine!
Kyle: Just to be clear, you're fighting Well...I don't know what to say! I've never actually had anyone want to pay with me before!
[F&C cling to Kyle]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: I DO!
Kyle: [somewhat touched] All those games of solitaire, hiding and no one seeking. Right then, this is a momentous decision! Who shall gain the privilege of being my best friend and playing with me? Hmm? [his perspective, we see F&C disgusted] Are these the only choices?
Fanboy: Before you choose, Kyle, just consider this! [pulls a lever, releasing the trapdoor under Chum Chum. He falls into it, screaming]
Kyle: Well, that does simplify things.

[Cut to Fanboy and Kyle lounging on Fanboy's bed]
Fanboy: [humming cheerfully] So, what do you want to do first? You want to play Dead Arm? Charlie Horse? Eyesies Pokesies?
Kyle: [slightly less thrilled] Perhaps a board game would be more to my taste.
Fanboy: Okay, check this out! [jumps off bed, and it opens into a game chest]
[Close up of the top of the chest, panning down to the bottom]
Fanboy: Let's see what we got. [picks out games and tosses them to Kyle, who tries to hold them] Killer Robot Frenzy, Zombie Attack, Violence Fight, Violence Fight 2. Now with more violence.
Kyle: Ooh! [picks up some girly board game] Mr. Unicorn's Teddy Bear Dress Up Fashion Show!
Fanboy: Eh, Chum Chum and I sort of melted all those pieces to put them out of their lameness.
Kyle: Pity! Okay then, how about Chinese Checkers? Hmm...then again, that may get a bit high-spirited, what with the spice of the orient -- Perhaps just Domestic Checkers.

Fanboy: I choose --
Kyle: I choose black! [hums while setting up the pieces]
Fanboy: Oh, well, Chum Chum usually lets me choose black, you know, for ninjas! [does some ninja poses] Hiya, ha!
Kyle: Well...I'm your best friend now. And I choose to choose first.
Fanboy: Uh, sure. Okay, I guess.

[During the game...]
Kyle: I jumped you! Deal with that.
Fanboy: [punches board] Hiya! [continues puching]
Kyle: What on earth are you doing?!
Fanboy: Playing! You got to make the evil energy disks jump into the BLACK HOLE!
Kyle: Why do you insist on besmirching such a noble game?!?
Fanboy: [slightly annoyed] What? How do you play "Death Checkers"?
Kyle: [gets up and leaves] Obviously, I've chosen the wrong best friend!
Fanboy: But Kyle --
[An elevator comes up and knocks Fanboy to the celing. Chum Chum is in it]
Chum Chum: Come on, best friend Kyle, he doesn't deserve you.
[Kyle gets into the elevator, and Chum Chum takes his hand as the elevator goes down. Fanboy falls off]
Fanboy: Eep! [hits floor] Ow.

[In the living room, Chum Chum is holding two ninjas - one red, one white]
Kyle: So exactly, how does one play "action" figurines?
Chum Chum: It's easy! You just move them around and make them fight!
Kyle: Oh, how delightfully lowbrow! [takes the white ninja] En garde! Stand and deliver!
[they giggle as they bump their ninjas together, then...]
Kyle: There, I have given you what-for!
Chum Chum: Nope, I moved.
Kyle: You didn't move!
Chum Chum: I'm too quick. You didn't see. But now, I chop your arm off! [wacks his ninja against Kyle's, making its left arm fall off]
Kyle: Huh? Oh. All right then. Perhaps you'll feel the force of both my parry and my thrust! [giggles while "attacking" Chum Chum's ninja] Oh, ho! I've cut you to the quick!
Chum Chum: Uh-uh! You bounced off my force field.
Kyle: [was about to do a victory dance, but stops] Force field? Ninja's don't have force fie --
Chum Chmu: And then, I use my sonic ray to pretzel-ize your legs! ["Attacks" Kyle's ninja]
Kyle: Don't do that! Huh? [Looks at his ninja's legs in a bow] Oh.
Fanboy: Ooo, sonic turbo ninjas. [At Chum Chum] Did you use your mystical throwing cow? Here! [gives him a wooden cow]
Chum Chum: Ooo, good call. [throws the cow at Kyle's ninja, making its right arm fall off]

Kyle: [slightly irritated] So, we're going to play loosey-goosey with the rules, are we? Well, what do you think of this? [Takes Chum Chum's ninja, jumps on it, hits it against the door, then rips it in half. He then sighs] There! Taste of your own medicine. [falls to the floor and groans]
Chum Chum: Missed me!
Kyle: Huh?
Fanboy: And...your head explodes.
[The head on Kyle's ninja explodes. Kyle isn't very happy now]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [gasp] Eee! Shenanigans!

[An alarm goes off as red lights flash and kids cheer in the background. A sign and two stereos drop into place as balloons fall from the ceiling]
Kyle: [slightly amazed, while getting up from the floor] Huh?
Fanboy: [in an elevator] Gentlemen, Shenanigans has been called!
Kyle: What's happening?
Chum Chum: Shenanigans is the best game we've got. Way to go, Kyle!
[F&C put on their shenanigan helmets]
Kyle: Huh?
[Chum Chum goes over to a pair of boxes and taps on one of them with a broom. Four clones each of himself and Fanboy run out]
Clones: Shenanigans! Shenanigans! Shenanigans!
Kyle: [screaming] [He runs away, but a stereo blasts him with pancake music. Kyle runs to the window, slams into it, and the clones catch him and carry him all over the place]
Kyle: No, no, no!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: PANCAKE FIGHT!
Kyle: Oh, help, help, help! [gets hit with a pancake]
Fanboy: Ooh, a red-hot huckleberry, and on your first try.
Chum Chum: That gets you a sky-high rocket ride.
[He puts the rocket on Kyle. Screaming, Kyle flies all over the Fanlair and lands in the bathroom]

[Kyle comes out of the bathroom with a toilet on his head, speech unable to understand. He finally gets the toilet off]
Fanboy: Okey dokey. Kyle calls outsies!
[Another alarm goes off. Cut to outside, rain still pouring. Kyle bursts out of the Fanlair and hits the moon]
Kyle: Ow...

[Back inside...]
Clones: Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. [continues]
Fanboy:How fun was that?
Chum Chum: Super fun! [rubs nose] Hey, I'm not sick! Or sick of you anymore!
Fanboy: Me neither! Such is the enduring gift of Shenanigans.
[They look at each other and coo]

[Later, F&C sit at the window and watch the rain fall]
Fanboy: Chum Chum, let's promise to never do whatever got us mad at each other in the first place ever again, whatever that was.
Chum Chum: It's a deal, best friend. [pause] Want to go play out in the rain?
Fanboy: You read my mind, best friend! You read my mind.
[They leave]

"The Tell-Tale Toy"
Transcripts Next:
"Fanboy in the Plastic Bubble"
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