[Scene opens up with Fanboy and Chum Chum reading a comic]
Fanboy: "And then, as her three tongues licked her seven lips, he realized that she was a ...."
Fanboy and Chum Chum: FACE-EATING ALIEN FROM PLANET X!
Fanboy: I am shocked to my very core, Chum Chum. If this children's comic book is to be believed, there are Face-Eating Aliens living among us.
Chum Chum: And they look exactly like everyone else! and the only way to recognize them is by their horrible screech!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: AHHHH!
[their desks jump up, then fall back down again]
Yo: [holds up pink notes] Would you boys pass these notes to every girl in the class? But don't read them, they're for girls only. [giggles and leaves]
Fanboy: [flatly] Sure thing, Yo.
Chum Chum: [flatly] Wouldn't dream of it.
[They begin to pass the notes to the other girls]
Fanboy: Here ya go.
Chum Chum: Heads up! Heads up!
Fanboy: Get your notes here!
Lupe [as a note hits her] Ay!
Chum Chum: Donnegal!
[The girls chatter]
Chum Chum: Look alive!
Fanboy: Look sharp.
Chum Chum: Notes coming!
Fanboy: Special delivery, girl junk.
[The bell rings, the girls chat and giggle]
Chum Chum: Girls are so funny. [in girl voice] "Pass these notes and make sure you don't read it. It's for girls only."
Fanboy: Heh heh, yeah. Like we care what's in their notes.
Chum Chum: I know I don't.
Fanboy: [sees a left-over note on the ground] Hey, they dropped one. Hm, wonder what's inside.
[He opens the note, it releases a rainbow followed by a blinding light]
Chum Chum: GIRL CUTENESS! IT'S TOO CUTE! MY EYES CAN'T HANDLE IT!
Fanboy: AAAAAHHHH! MUST! DE-GIRLIFY IT! [sprays the note with de-girlifyer]
[Close-up of the note, it reads:]
- Slumber Party at Yo's house!
- Sat. night @ 7:00
- NO BOYS ALLOWED!
Chum Chum: GET THE UNICORNS! AND THAT PENGUIN ON THE COTTON CANDY CLOUD!
Fanboy: I'M TRYING!
[The light coming from the note fades, close up of the note; the pictures are smeared]
Fanboy: "Slumber party at Yo's house, Saturday night at seven. No boys allowed".
Chum Chum: That's it? A dumb old slumber party with a bunch of girls? Why does that have to be a secret?
Fanboy: [gets a shocked expression on his face] Unless...they're not girls at all. Ask yourself, Chum Chum. Why would a group of girls get together on a Saturday night?
Chum Chum: To braid each other's hair and glue rhinestones to cookies?
Fanboy: Ha, ha, ha, ha! I don't think so. No, I think you'll find the far more rational explanation is...THEY'RE FACE-EATING ALIENS FROM PLANET X!
Chum Chum: [gasp, choke] I sucked in some glitter.
Fanboy: See for yourself! [points to Nancy and two cheerleaders jumping rope] What are those girls doing RIGHT NOW?
Chum Chum: Jumping rope?
Fanboy: Sure. They might be jumping rope. Or they might be -- SPOOLING UP A WORMHOLE SO THEY CAN TELEPORT BACK TO PLANET X. WHERE THEY'LL HOST THEIR EVIL ALIEN BANQUET. The main course? FACE!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Chum Chum: WE'VE GOTTA WARN THE OTHER BOYS!
Fanboy: They'll never believe us! Would you believe us?
Chum Chum: I never believe us.
Fanboy: See? We've got to get proof! And I think I know how to get it.
[Switch to Yo's house on Saturday night. Yo and the girls are watching a romance movie between a vampire and a zombie, similar to Twilight]
Vampire: MacKenzie...I don't care if I'm a vampire and you're a zombie...I love you, anyway.
MacKenzie: YEEEARRRRRRRR. BRAINS.
[The girls sigh. We hear a knock at the door]
Yo: Huh, I wonder who that is.
[Yo goes over to the bedroom door. It slams open, revealing Fanboy and Chum Chum dressed as girls]
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [in girl voices] PARTAAAAY!
Fanboy: We're here for the slumber par-tay!
Chum Chum: Par-tay! Whoop-whoop!
Yo: I'm sorry, do I know you?
Fanboy: Liiiiike, we're totally random girls from West Apetown?
Chum Chum: We're all like, "dang-dong" and you were all like, "can I help you?"
Fanboy: And I was totally all like, "hello"!
Chum Chum: And then, you were all like, "come in"!
Fanboy: And then, we became BFFs! LOL! Scrumpty!
Fanboy and Chum Chum: BEIBER, BEIBER, BEIBER!
Yo: [at Fanboy] You're weird. [at Chum Chum] But there's something irresistibly cute about you!
[Chum Chum makes a cute face]
Yo: Come on in! [at the other girls] Hey, everyone! These are two new girls from West Apetown!
Fanboy: My name's Fandrea...
Chum Chum: And, um, my besties, call me...Chumbelina Jolie! [pause, tosses glitter] Glitter!
Cher: West Apetown!
Lupe: They got a mall.
Chum Chum: [at Fanboy] They don't look like aliens.
Fanboy: [normal voice] Duh, they're in disguise.
Yo: Hey, everyone! Look who's here: it's Marsha!
[Marsha enters the room, thunder crashes, Fanboy and Chum Chum gasp]
Marsha: Let's get this party...sssssssssssssstarted.
Fanboy: [gasp] Marsha! We should've known! She's probably their Alien Queen! [bites nails and yelps]
Chum Chum: [girl voice] She's totally like, gonna eat your face.
Marsha: Who want's s'mores? [holds up a pitchfork and flames s'mores onto it]
Girls: Yay!/Yeah/Totally!/Terrific! [laughing]
[Marsha sees Fanboy and Chum Chum. She approaches them]
Marsha: You two. I don't believe I've made your acquaintancccccccce. [sniffs] You smell like...BOYS!
Fanboy: [girl voice] Uh, that's because I like, um, have been, like, totally kissing boys?
Chum Chum: Uh, yeah, she'll like, kiss anybody!
Fanboy: Mm-hmm. Duke, uh, Chuggy, Fankylechum...
Marsha: I LIKE FANKYLECHUM! I wrote his name on my binder! [shows binder with Fankylechum in a heart, along with pictures of Fanboy getting beaten up]
Fanboy: Did I, like, say "Fankylechum"? Definitely did not mean to say that. I meant to say, um...man...Kyle...yum. [nervous laugh]
[Marsha stares at him. Camera shifts back and fourth between Marsha and Fanboy twice, on the second, we see an extreme close up of their eyes. Fanboy wimpers, suddenly...]
Marsha: Oh, yeah! He's dreamy, too! I like his braces!
[the girls come forward]
Lupe: I like his accent, it's so foreign.
Francine: I love it when he makes the sky, like, all dark, and like, all evil!
Fanboy: Girls! Girls! If we're, like, talking cute boys, shouldn't we start with the cutest? Fanboy?
[pause, the girls laugh]
Yo: Ooooh, Fandrea likes Fanboy!
Francine: He is, like, oh, so dorky!
Lupe: That boy has problems.
Marsha: That's enough about boys! This is a party for girlssssssssssss. [pause] Let's play a game!
Lupe: How about we play Truth or Dare?
Cher/Francine: Oh, man!/Uh-huh!/That's right!
Fanboy: [in normal voice, at Chum Chum] Perfect! Now's our chance to prove the truth! That these girls are really aliens! And I know just the lie detector to use. [dials watch]
[Switch to Dollarnator chopping logs in the forest, he rings]
Dollarnator: You've got Dollarnator.
Fanboy: Dollarnator, we're at a slumber party. I know this sounds crazy, but we need you to dress as a girl, and --
[the door slams open revealing Dollarnator as a girl]
Dollarnator: [in girl voice] 'Sup, girlfriends? Sorry I'm late! I traveled back in time an extra half hour so my nails could dry. [pause] What? Is there lipstick on my teeth?
Fanboy: No, no, you look...uh -- let's begin.
[Scene changes to everyone sitting in a circle]
Fanboy: [girl voice] Okay, so I just wanna warn you guys that our friend, uh...Dollynator --
Dollarnator: No, no, no! Tiffany!
Fanboy: Okay...Tiffany, is really good at Truth or Dare, especially the truth part. [sits down]
Chum Chum: So, if any of you guys are like, oh, I don't know -- Face-Eating Aliens from Planet X -- she'll totally know.
[the girls are confused. Fanboy presses a button on Dollarnator's panel which activates the lie detector feature]
Lupe: That looks dangerous.
Fanboy: Ah-ta-ta-ta-ta, it's perfectly harmless. Here, I'll show you. [puts on the lie detector colander hat] Okay, somebody ask me a Truth.
Francine: I know! Like, what did you do Friday night?
Fanboy: Oh, that's easy. I went to a movie with my BFF, Chumbelina.
["TRUE" lights up on Dollarnator's monitor]
Chum Chum: See? It's like, totally true!
Dollarnator: A true lie! [the girls gasp] You told me you were washing your hair! That's why we couldn't hang out that night!
Fanboy: Oh. Well, I did wash my hair.
[The helmet shocks Fanboy, "LIE" lights up on Dollarnator's monitor]
Fanboy: Uh, I washed around my hair. [gets shocked] I washed my hands? [gets shocked] Well, I'm sure I washed some part of my body that day! [gets shocked] That week? [gets shocked] Well, I wanted to hang out with you. [gets shocked]
[Dollarnator gasps and turns his back to Fanboy and Chum Chum]
Lupe: Oh, no, she di'n't.
Dollarnator: I believe I just proved that she di-id! I was at home, by my phone, vaiting to hear from you, and you never dialed out! And you said you were my BFF! Turns out that stands for [snapping] "Big Fat Phony"!
Fanboy: Isn't phony spelled with a --
Dollarnator: NOT IN THE FUTURE! [runs out, crying]
Fanboy: Tiffany, wait! I'll make it up to you! Next Friday is Tiffany Day!
[The girls aren't happy]
Francine: You totally made Tiffany cry?!
Lupe: You have broken the-eh Slumber Party Code. And now, you must pay. With a pillow fight!
[they bring out pillows]
Chum Chum: Um...Fandrea? What do we do?
Fanboy: [normal voice] This is perfect! Now, we can knock off their disguises and prove once and for all that they're dangerous, evil, Face-Eating Aliens. But remember, go easy on them. They're girls. [gets hit with a pillow] Hey!
Cheerleaders: Cool...fight, fight, fight!
Marsha: Strike first! Strike hard! No mercy!
[Fanboy and Chum Chum gasp, the girls come over and bash them with pillows for several seconds]
Yo: Wait a minute! Look at them!
[Reveal Fanboy and Chum Chum, their wigs fell off revealing that they were only disguised as girls]
Cher: They're boys!
Lupe: It's Fanboy and Chum Chum.
Marsha: [gasp] The ultimate breach of Slumber Party Protocol!
Yo: These boys must be punished!
Fanboy: [at Chum Chum] This is the part where they eat our faces!
[The girls start to close in on them]
Chum Chum: AHHHH!
Fanboy: Please, not the face, not the face!
[Fade to black, the girls are heard laughing and we hear smooching sounds. Fade up, the girls are wearing lipstick and Fanboy and Chum Chum stand up]
Fanboy: They -- they didn't eat our faces!
[They turn to face each other, their faces are covered in kiss marks]
Chum Chum: Oh, but they kissed them.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: THAT'S EVEN WORSE!
[they run out, the girls laugh]
[Fanboy and Chum Chum run out of the house and scrub the kiss marks off their faces. They sigh, relieved]
Fanboy: Well, at least we know the girls aren't aliens, right?
Chum Chum: Yeah. I guess we should go wash this makeup off, huh?
Fanboy: [pause] My...cousin's having a slumber party in West Apetown.
Fanboy and Chum Chum: [girly] BEIBER, BEIBER, BEIBER!
[they run off]
[Cut back to Yo's room]
Francine: I can't believe they thought we were Face-Eating Aliens-uh.
Yo: I know! [opens fridge revealing lifelike heads of the boys they know] We're Head-Eating Aliens.
[Horror music, the girls laugh as Marsha takes Fankylechum's head with "tentacles"]
Marsha: I like Fankylechum, huh-huh. [hisses]
[Marsha sticks her "alien" tongue on the head, cut to black]
"Heroes vs. Villains"
"The Cold Rush"